I know we all have those thoughts.  The negative ones.  The depressed ones.  The happy.  The hurt.  We all have our own thoughts.  Sometimes thoughts can be our enemies.  Our lives can be turned upside down in one moment.  Or…our lives could be gone in the next day, the next hour, maybe even the next second.  We are never guaranteed to live tomorrow.  I used to be one of those people…thinking things like:

“No one cares.  No one notices me.  No one pays attention.  Life is nothing…it’s a waste.  I’m just a waste.  Like everyone says and thinks..I know they think it.  I’m. A. Waste.”

I’ve changed a lot since I last thought that.  I’m completely different but it’s only through Christ.  Life is different.  The choices I make.  Everything’s different, because now I know everything has a reason.  If you look at the analogy I got when I was watching the video series called ‘Surrender’ I realized that if you realized that if you could stretch a rope a mile long and colored one little section of it red.  You would realize that the red section symbolizes our time here on here on Earth, and the rest shows our eternity in either Heaven or Hell.

Hell is not a place I want to go. It’s not a place I’m going to go through.  I’m going to Heaven because I’ve trusted Christ with the life that I am given here on Earth.  We are all going through problems however.  Our Faith is always tested.  The problems we go through.  The loss’s we expierence here on Earth. Nothing can stop us though!  We need to keep our eyes focused on God.  We need to keep running to him without taking our eyes off of him.  I realize how hard it is for us to do that.  I had, have, and will have problems with that.

Lately my faith has been tested countless times.  I’ve gone through some terrible times.  I’ve almost lost one of my nearest and dearest friends and she is still in a coma from what I have heard.  My family has had multiple medical problems.  My parents have had terrible marital issues from fights to basically a Cold War with each other in my own house.  My parents like to pretend like nothing’s wrong.  I like to face it when something’s wrong and then deal with the problems my own way.  Trust me…I’ve heard it all basically.  From parents fighting ranging from something like this”

“I just don’t want to hear you *****, Rodney!”  “I wasn’t!  I was just saying someone must have not liked it pluged in there!”  Talking about the lamp being unplugged.  To them just screaming and screaming at each other all night.  I’ve dealt with a lot of things in my life.  Called for help and been unanswered.  But I didn’t know I was getting the help I needed I just wouldn’t accept it.  My life was gone.  My parents fighting and me just wishing they would get a divorce.  My sister getting married and having two children and in the same type of relationship as our parents.  My youngest niece having terrible asthma and getting sick every summer.

My Mom is the main one who is cussing.  My Dad only does it when my Mom get’s him upset.  I love my parents, don’t get me wrong.  I’m struggling to try and teach them Christ.  My Dad’s a Christian.  My Mom isn’t, as far as I know.  So lately I’ve been tapping Bible Verse’s to the television to try and get her to read them.  According to my Dad, she’s came running out of the house with them in her hand for the past few days.  I find it interesting how she’s reacting to it.

Lately life’s been throwing me curve ball after curve ball so to speak.  All this stuff keeps coming at me and before I was a Christian, I wouldn’t know what to do.  I would be on the ground flat on my face.  But because I am a Christian, I’m different.  I can see what’s going on.  See the storm brewing ‘so to speak’.  Now I’m struggling and trying to pray just about everyday.  Because I have trouble with it.  I love God.  But I’m speaking the truth.  I find it’s time for me to change.  Time for me to stop pretending I can pray fine like everyone else.  I pray…but I have trouble doing it.  Like I’m climbing this large wall every-time I pray.

  1. Jaesa says:

    nice to know your blog

    keep blogging 🙂

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